I Committed Adultery: It’s Not Worth It

Along with how I became a believer and one other article I’ll be posting next week, the other bit of information I feel like needs to be known about me is that I’ve committed adultery.

I committed adultery three times, in three different ways. This is important for you to understand, as a reader and partner with me in fighting sin, because when I talk about the effects sin has on a believer’s life, I want you to understand that I have personally felt the pain of death sin brings (James 1:12-15).

adultery

In a nutshell, in the second year of our marriage, I kissed a man who had gotten too close to us as a couple. In the middle of our marriage, I created the opportunity to go through with adultery, but didn’t have follow through from the man. The third time I committed adultery, I had sex several times with a man in my community. My husband has forgiven me (along with forgiving the men involved) all three times, but it hasn’t been without cost and pain.

No Need to Be So Open
I’ve been told before to be careful about these stories, that I don’t need to share with everyone this because, in the world’s eyes, I’m all sorts of terrible words. I’m a slut, a whore, and an adulterer. I’m unclean. These types of traits aren’t to be associated with one who bares the name of believer (1 Corinthians 5:1-13, 6:9-20). I can’t represent Jesus when I act like this.

And regarding representing Jesus, they’re right. I cannot actively walk in sexual sin and represent my God well. In the midst of committing adultery the third time, the man who had sex with me asked if I was just a Christian because of social pressure. I wanted to throw up.

No. That is not the reason why I am a Christian.

Bluntly stated, I was blaspheming the name of God in front of this man because of what I was doing. How could I testify to him the goodness of God? I couldn’t.

But I choose to share these stories now because I didn’t just fall into adultery by accident. Day by day I was walking closer and closer to adultery because of my complacency in fighting sin. And dear sister, I don’t want that for you.

Together with prayer and conversations with my husband, I have come to accept that my honor is not as important as helping you to pursue a rich and meaningful relationship with Jesus. There are specific people that I chose to start this blog for – dear sisters spread around the globe who I know battle sin but feel defeated. Even if this blog just helps these ladies, I will have accomplished the purpose of this blog.

Effects of Sin from Adultery
Now, yes Jesus paid for my sins, both past and future (Romans 5:12-21, 1 John 1:5-2:6). But I experienced painful earthly effects of sin when I committed adultery these three times.

  1. Death of trust in my relationship with my husband
    Of course this would happen in any relationship where adultery happens, and it is by grace alone that my husband actively works to forgive me in his heart and mind.
  1. Weight of my sin in my relationship with God
    Most notably after I committed adultery the third time, I wrestled with whether I was really even a believer, (I thought to myself, “Really, what Christian woman does this?!”). I felt so distant from God and this distance was painful.
  1. Confusion
    Because I had given into the desires of my flesh that wages war against me, I found great difficulty in fleeing and fighting these desires after I confessed to committing adultery. There were times during my husband’s and my healing that I wanted to just give up and pursue my own crazy passions, but when thinking clearly, that’s not what I wanted. I didn’t want to destroy my marriage and my children. It was an ongoing battle to fight these flaring desires.
  1. Shame and grief of my sin/ shame in my testimony of marriage
    There is so much joy in counseling younger women to pursue purity before and after marriage, but I don’t have that testimony. My testimony is, “See how I messed up and learn from my terrible examples.” I deeply regret the sinful choices I made.
  1. Death of all relationships with all these men
    Maybe, my husband and I could have shared the good news with these men, but there’s absolutely no hope of this now. Not unless God has in his plan to work a miracle. We both pray for these men, that my actions would not be a stumbling block, and that my husband’s forgiveness would point them to the one who is able to forgive eternally. But at this point, my actions represented that my God is a joke.
  2. Pain in reading certain scripture
    The Word is good for believers to consume everyday so we can joyfully worship our God. Can you imagine, though, how it feels for me to read Proverbs 5-9, the warnings against adultery and the adulterous woman (also includes a comparison between wisdom and folly)? There are so many passages that are painful to read because I was that woman, tearing down her house with her own hands.

Popular culture romanticizes adulteries. If it’s “love” it’s OK. If the husband is a jerk, it’s OK. But that’s not the truth of the gospel. God gave marriage to be a picture of Jesus’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Is there anything the church could do for Jesus to abandon her? No, the book of Hosea teaches us that.

This short list of main ways the sin of adultery affected my life hopefully shatters any romantic ideas about adultery. If I had gone through with my flesh and decided to end my marriage, my husband and my children would have both experienced a lifetime of pain from my choices to selfishly reject my vows and pursue pleasure. Adultery is not worth it, and it’s one hundred percent selfish regardless of the reasons.

Ladies, I encourage you to fight with me. Fight with endurance the race that is set before us. There is no sin that our God cannot overcome, and there is no sin that is worth giving into. Let us rejoice together in the new creations God has made, and live in his light daily.

 

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Photo: Hans van den berg (Flickr)

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  • Susan Evans

    Thank you for being brave enough to share your story to help other women avoid complacency in fighting sin.

    • Thanks Susan! I really do hope that it helps women avoid being complacent in fighting sin. It’s so serious!

  • Julie Loos

    I appreciate your honesty here! Thank you for pointing out what happened and what you lost due to your sin. I hope this ministry keeps other women away from adultery! Blessings to you!

  • “God gave marriage to be a picture of Jesus’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25-33). Is there anything the church could do for Jesus to abandon her? No, the book of Hosea teaches us that.” I love how you referred to Hosea here and marriages are to be a picture of Jesus’ unconditional love for the church. I wish more people would keep this in mind and obey Him. I pray that many will be helped by your honesty.

    • Thank you – I too hope and pray that our sharing would help many marriages.

  • Alice Mills

    How wonderful that we serve a God that sees us as precious. The truth about who we are is not the culmination of the worst things about us, but he good things He says about us. Bless you and your husband as you journey to greater and greater healing in Christ.

    • Thank you for your blessings! And yes, praise God that our worst things are just part of a picture, and one that involves Jesus’ redemption through his blood!

  • True words. I really pray that what I share will discourage and challenge many women to run away from empty pleasures and toward eternal pleasure that never disappoints.

  • Kristi

    It is brave of you to openly share like this. But I see how you and your husband are praying through it and wanting to protect others from what Satan and pop culture tries to lure them into. May God bless you as you eloquently express how God can save any marriage because His redemptive power moves from heaven to earth.