I have a very unhealthy attitude toward food and body image.
When I was growing up after the sexual abuse, my body was my tool. My sexuality was a measure of control for me. But food has also been an emotional comfort for me. I have used it as a pick me up for when I’m sad or bored.
So I have this cycle of weight. I indulge, realize my pants aren’t fitting, feel sorry for myself, indulge, feel sick emotionally and physically, snap out of it, try to lose weight, succeed for a bit, give in to temptation, my pants stop fitting again.
It’s a nasty cycle, and the yo-yo is not healthy, I know.
Since I kind of carry my weight well, whenever I talk about how I need to lose weight, everyone except my husband just tells me I look great.
My husband sees my eating cycle and knows I’m not healthy, and that’s the source of his concern.
I’m hiding as a “skinny” glutton.
With food, I can easily see how self-control is not something that I have. When I recognize this, I’m able to look at other areas of my spiritual walk and see that I don’t have self-control in other areas either. I have to be very careful about the type of environment I’m in because it’s just hard for me to say no to temptation.
With any serious struggle I have, that’s how I’ve dealt with the sin.
And of course that’s appropriate for someone who is weak in the faith… but… I ought to be further along in my walk after being a believer for over ten years now.
I’ve even been afraid to fast this past year knowing that I cared more about the “positive” benefits it might have for my body rather than being concerned for the spiritual benefits and closeness with God.
The primary need I have is not to lose weight then but to have a heart change toward food and body image.
I need God to change my heart to not see food as an emotional pick up or as a comfort, but as a tool he has given me to fellowship with others and to nourish my body. I need to see my body as a gift that needs proper stewardship, just like all the other gifts in my life.
This coming year, not as a resolution but as a reality check and spiritual battle, I’m going to focus on the challenge of changing my perceptions about food and body image to ones that are God glorifying.
You’re welcome to join me!
Subscribe to newsletter here – I’ll be sharing there soon about a private group where we can encourage one another in our pursuit to be healthy in body and spirit.